Happosai 12
by Daffyd Wagstaff
Summary: After Ranma points out a flaw in his panty-hunting disguise, Happosai travels to Jusenkyo in the hopes of falling in the spring of drowned child. First fanfic.


_Note: This story takes place shortly after the events with Rakkyosai and the Butterfly Brocade. I'll be drawing information from the manga as I've not seen that many episodes of the anime. I do not own Ranma ½, or any of the characters from the manga/anime._

_Written by Daffyd Wagstaff, 2009_

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Prologue

"HENTAI! PANTY THIEF!" the female voices cut across the background noise of Tokyo's Nerima ward, drawing the attention of a confused looking gaijin tourist, whilst the locals all seemed to ignore it.

The tourist was then further surprised when a small blur shot past him, carrying what looked like a bundle of laundry, and screaming "Whaddahaul!" at the top of his lungs. He was intercepted by a pigtailed black-haired teenage boy wearing a red shirt in a Chinese design, and black pants.

"Happosai! I should have known it was you! Give back what you've stolen!"

The tourist suddenly found himself gently pulled to the side of the street by a man in a white lab coat, who wore glasses. Something about him screamed the words 'I am a Doctor'

"You might want to stay over here," the possible Doctor suggested with a kindly smile that indicated that this was an average event, with fairly predictable results. And, given that this was Nerima, this **was** an average, almost daily in fact, event.

Meanwhile the blur resolved itself into a shrunken old man with a pipe, and a handkerchief on his head tied so that the knot was just underneath his nose. It would be charitable to call this a disguise, as it clearly did nothing to hide the old man's features.

"Ranma, my boy!" the old man spoke with mock hurt in his voice, fake sincerity dripping into his words like treacle, "Me, steal? How dare you spread such baseless rumors and accusations about your master!"

The old man flung water at the boy, causing the boy to shrink, and turn into a busty red-haired girl. The watching tourists eye's bulged in shock, while the old man grabbed one of the bras from his new collection and jumped at her.

"To make up for it, wear this bra for me!" The old man screamed in glee.

"Get lost, you old pervert!" the girl replied with scorn, deflecting the perverted old man by the simple means of waiting for him to run into her foot. She followed this up with a stomp that pinned him to the ground, snatched the bra off him, and continued "Besides, everyone in town already knows about you anyway! Why do you even bother trying to hide you identity with that handkerchief?"

The tourist watching was completely confused at this point, but judging by the number of nods coming from the other bystanders, and the complete indifference to the fact that they'd just witnessed a boy changing into a girl, he guessed that the ... girl? ... was right, and everyone knew who this man was.

At which point the screaming horde of girls arrived, and everything devolved into complete chaos as they began inflicting damage on the old man, and for some reason, the pig-tailed red-head too.

"Are things always like this?" the tourist asked the man who'd pulled him aside.

"Pretty much," replied the man in the white coat,"But on the plus, it means more patients for my medical practice."

_Perhaps,_ the tourist thought as he watched the carnage, _I should of just stuck with my original plan of going to San Diego instead!_

***

It was later in the Tendo Dojo. Happosai was dealing with the pain from the injuries he'd received in a simple manner, by using it to help feed his need for revenge against Ranma Saotome. The boy was a continual thorn in his side, trying to deny him all the little pleasures in life.

However, the part-time girl had made a good point during Happosai's last encounter with her. The people around here **did** know him too well, and the handkerchief **wasn't **a good enough disguise to let him get away with it.

Granted, he almost always got away with it anyway, since neither of his good-for-nothing students, Soun and Genma, would dare lift a finger against him. Unless he was drunk. Or sleeping. Or distracted by a pretty girl.

And even then, once they'd realized their folly of defying his will, they would instantly fall to their knees and fawn all over him.

_And that was the other problem with Ranma,_ he thought glumly. The boy was his student, yet failed to show the proper respect for his master! It didn't help that the boy had figured out how to defeat him by using his weakness for pretty girls against him.

_Okay, perhaps flinging myself at him whilst both my hands are full was a bad idea,_ he admitted, _Especially since Ranma has a greater reach than me, and all that youthful energy to boot!_

Happosai's eyes went wide! That was it! Make Ranma older so he couldn't move so fast! Immediately the perverted side of his brain rejected that idea, as it would mean that girl-type Ranma would also become older. Happosai shuddered as he imagined girl-type Ranma with saggy breasts.

He immediately had to do a series of perverted kata that he'd come up with to banish the thought of an unsexy girl-type Ranma. That was too evil, even for him.

Then his eyes alighted on a framed image he'd put on his wall only a few days ago. It appeared to show a multi-coloured butterfly, but was in reality a boob-print Ranma had made using the Butterfly Brocade. The Butterfly Brocade was made by his good friend Rakkyosai, or Lucky, as the dirty old martial arts master knew him, who'd given it to Happosai as a gift over a hundred years ago.

_Rakkyosai, _The look on Happosai's face was rapidly beginning to become decidedly demonic _Now __**there's**__ an idea!_

***

At the same time, in the living room, Soun and Genma, who was currently in the form of a giant panda, suddenly jumped bolt upright, knocking over their shogi game.

The clocks were running backwards. Lightning flashed (which was actually normal, especially since Kuno had started calling himself "The Blue Thunder".) A small black piglet went flying past the dojo. They **knew** the master was smiling in **that **manner.

_I propose it is time for a training journey, Tendo my friend._ Genma Saotome 'said' by holding out a sign with words written on it. He'd pulled it out of a pocket of Sign-space, a parallel dimension which contained every possible sign and notice in existence in an infinite number of universes.

"I agree. Let us make haste, Saotome." Soun Tendo replied, and the two martial artists quickly grabbed the backpacks that were always on standby in the hallway closet. Around here it was merely prudent planning to have them ready, since the master tended to send bills to the Dojo, and hiding from the debt collectors was second nature.

"...t me too? I was trying to stop him!" a familiar girl's voice rang out in irritation as the front door opened, revealing Ranma-chan being supported by Akane. Judging by the number of bandages Ranma was sporting, they'd paid a visit to Dr Tofu prior to heading back to the dojo.

"You were holding a bra! I thought you were working with him!" Akane shot back, in a tone suggesting that it was a perfectly reasonably explanation for unleashing hammer hell on the half-girl.

Ranma was about to question her further, when she was suddenly picked up and thrown over the shoulder of her panda-cursed father. Akane watched bewildered as the Saotome panda, followed by her own father, ran down the street before disappearing around the corner.

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_Okay, yes, I admit it, the tourist was a small self insert. It's my first ever fan-fic, what do you expect? I'm not planning on having him appear again. Anyway, I'd like some reviews before I start work on the next chapter, which will technically be chapter 1._


End file.
